The Pains of Being Disciplined

One of the hardest things to do when you are a parent is to effectively discipline your children, and yourself on occasion. It's hard not to let emotions take over and ruin good teachable moments or take the focus of the lesson you want your children to learn. For example...

Near the end of last year our family changed our rules system in an attempt to be more fair and be more ordered in our approach to discipline. The rules we adopted are based upon a book called, FAMILY Rules: Positive Parenting with a Plan (Grades K-12) by: Matthew A. Johnson. As a part of this system, when a family rule is broken, the offender must pull a card, or cards depending on the rule broken, to try an re-enforce positive behaviors rather than the negative behaviors we chose to do. Even parents must pull cards when they break rules. I have had to pull more than anyone since we started the system. (I accidentally ran a red-light {10 cards}, I have cussed twice {3 cards each time}, I was sarcastic in my words three times {1 card for each offense}, I failed to have my part of the parent's room straight in a timely manner {1 card}, I failed on my one day of the week to feed the dog {1 card})

The hardest part is when your children must pull cards when they feel they were "justified" in what they did or they feel they did nothing wrong. It's not hard to make the decision to have them pull cards or to even explain why what they did was wrong. It is hard to see them, when they genuinely feel remorse and they have to struggle to do the "punishment/good behavior re-enforcer" the card tells them to do. It's hard not to run over to them and just hug them and forgive them of all wrong doing. It's hard not to "take back" the punishment to stop their hurt. But we can't!

We can't stop them from feeling remorse. It's the feeling of remorse that causes our "pride" to hurt. It is that kind of pain that causes us to look inside ourselves and seek what can truly stop all of our pain and suffering. It causes us to seek our Father, Our Creator. It causes us to see that what wrongs we have done not only hurts ourselves, but it also hurts others. Our wrongs hurts other family members, friends, and most importantly it hurts our God. When we finally come to grips with this fact. We can seek forgiveness and accept His grace for what it really is. Not just an excuse to keep doing our bad behaviors, but the freedom from having to do the bad things in the first place.

So we watch our children as they cry and attempt to sort through their budding new emotions and feelings. We watch them and attempt to guide their feelings in positive ways so they don't feel that they are "totally evil." We listen to them as they try their best to relate their feelings to you. Sometimes it comes in angry outburst. Sometimes it comes in confused bits of conversation or writings on paper. We do our best to be patient and understanding. We know, sort of, what they are going through because we were kids once ourselves. It's just hard.

So really the hard part is just watching them learn. It's hard and painful sometimes, but they will live through it. I hope I'm not just rambling on and on. I tried to make a point. Maybe I am still learning as well and need to just write a few minutes to sort through what I am feeling as well. After all I am still a child myself. I am a child of the King!