I Need a Moment!

There are a few people I know who have had one or two "defining" moments in their life. A moment that profoundly changed the way they think or act. After looking long and hard into my past I am not sure I have had one of those moments.

Maybe I had one when I chose to be baptized into Christ; however, I was raised a Christian and the decision to follow Jesus came naturally. I have grown in my personal faith over the years, but sadly I don't think I have had the experience of "discovering Jesus" like those who found their personal faith in later years.

Maybe I had one when I got married. I had to learn to live with another person and learn to love Jamie as I loved myself; however, I don't think it radically changed my personal behavior until much later into the marriage. I was still selfish with what I desired and still tended lie about things more than I should.

Maybe I had one when my kids were born. Bringing new life into the world is a miracle, but I don't think it radically changed my behavior.

Maybe it was when my wife and I separated for a while in our 13th year of marriage. It was a major crisis of course. We had to work very hard to change both our behaviors. I did finally learn to love Jamie "unconditionally" and the experience did help me to stop judging others for their behaviors. It brought me to my knees in prayer and devotion, but this re-dedication to being in God's word and in prayer only lasted about a year. This maybe the closest I cam to a radical change of behavior or thinking.

You would think how I found out I had high blood pressure would have changed my behavior. After all the doctors thought I was having a stroke; however, I still do not eat as healthy as I should and I don't exercise like I should.

You would think joining the Army would have changed me, but alas all it did was get me in shape and give me some leadership skills.

I want a moment! I want a moment that will change my life. I know I need to be careful what I ask for! I really don't want that moment to be the death of a child, the end of my marriage or a crippling injury to myself or a loved one. I still want a moment. A moment I can look back on and say, "This moment changed my way of life forever!" Maybe I have already had those moments, and I am just unappreciative of them; after all the Israelites of the Bible had many "Big Moments" (the plagues on Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, the giving of the Laws from the mountain, and many others) but they still fell away from God from time to time.

Maybe I'm not meant for big changes all at once. My OCD would not like that at all, but maybe that's what I want. I want to scare my OCD right out of me. Until then, I will learn to look back on and love the smaller moments that created small changes that have improved me little by little.