Failing to live by my own Mission Statement

Shortly after posting my first blog! I came up with a Mission Statement to let people know what I stand for and to serve as a guide for my personal life. In the past year, I have been failing in several areas of my "mission" and I can see the results. Today I renew that same mission statement...Once again here it is (it is also listed underneath my photo at the top left of my blog)....

1. I will seek to continuously become a man after the heart of God.
2. I will serve my God and honor Him in all that I do; in failure as well as success.
3. I will continuously strive to grow as a husband and a father, so I can serve my family in the service of my God.
4. I will endeavor to serve others in love, using my Savior, Jesus, as an example.
5. I will listen to the words of truth as written in the Bible and to the Holy Spirit of God living in me, rather than the lies of Satan and the world. I will do this by spending intentional time in prayer, devotion, and memorization of scripture.
6. Realizing that I AM NOT IN CONTROL of the majority of circumstances that affect my life, I will look to God to learn from every situation, so that I may grow stronger in faith, and better serve God, my family and others.

Father God; Give me the strength of will, to fulfill the promises made above. Give me guidance to do what it right and just. Thank you for what blessings you have given me and help me not to forgot them. All that I have and ever will have is a gift from you! Bless my family and my future job! Your son, Mark

Day 6 - First Movie of the Year, It was an "elementary" choice.

I have decided to keep up with all the movies I have seen for the first time (either on DVD/Blue-Ray, Television or at the Theaters) this year. Recently, my wife asked me, "What was your favorite movie you've seen all of last year? I started thinking, does this include movies at the theater only? If so then the answer would be a three way tie between Courageous, Captain America: The First Avenger, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II. Of all the movies I saw for the first time through Netflix or DVD/Blue-Ray purchase none compared to the three above; neither did any movie I saw for the first time on television. The question did get me to thinking; how many movies did I watch, for the first time, last year? I keep up with the books I read, but how many hours do I sit watching movies? So, I'm keeping track.

This afternoon I watched my first "new" movie of the year. It was Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Although a very good movie; it was not quite as good as the first Sherlock Holmes move. Still I enjoyed the show, as well as my two children. Some how I don't think this the end of the Sherlock Holmes movies.

Just to let you know I will probably not post every new movie I see this year!

Day 5 - Eating Frogs & Journal Writing

This morning my wife told me about a way to help your day go a bit smoother. She told me to "eat my frog first, then the rest of the day will move along smoother." Eat a frog? Turns out that your "frog" is the one thing that you need to do that day that you really don't want to do. If you do that one horrible, hard, time consuming thing first, then your day should be easier to deal with because the hard part it already done. So "Eat your Frog" first!

In the spirit of "frog eating", I started to put together a set of chest of drawers for my son. I have had them in the garage since late September. I figured it was about time to get that out of the way. Shortly after getting started, I realized that an important piece was missing from the materials in the box. I called the company and they are shipping me a new part, which should arrive in a few days. So, I guess I will eat this frog in pieces.

I also decided today that I will resume my journal writing. Not only will it help me write down my goals and steps to meet them; but it will also help me evaluate certain feelings and actions that I have been struggling with recently. I also plan to resume my Bible reading/studies. I also need to re-connect with my Creator. Pray for me!

What I'm Thankful For - 2011

I am thankful for my beautiful bride, Jamie, who told me just yesterday she would take care of me, "even if my mind was gone." Some times I think she's doing that now!

I am thankful for my son, Caleb. God has great things planned for him.

I am thankful for my daughter, Rachel. She is so full of love for everyone; especially the kitties.

I am thankful for my job. It's not easy being a teacher; however, the few times you witness the look in kid's eyes when they "finally get it," makes most of the bad times, go away.

I am thankful for our two kitties, Scout and Ramey. They are always there for me after a bad day.

I am thankful for my best friend Brent. If only we could retire and watch Ranger games all summer long.

I am thankful for our new home in Mansfield.

I am especially thankful for the LORD God Almighty, who loves me despite the fact I am such a idiot.

There is so much more to be thankful for; however, I need to go. Things to do you know!

My August So Far!

Good News -- We have an official offer on our home. Bad News -- They are in the negotiation phase and we may not be able to move before the start of the new school year. This means kids may start school here in Pine Tree and then transfer about a week into the school year. This also means I will have to wait to fill out applications to substitute until we move, so it will delay getting sub pay for a little while longer. Come on people, settle on an offer and let my family move.

Almost all of the packing is done for the house, with the exception of items we are currently using. I need to get a few more boxes lined up to throw things in the day before we move.

In case you haven't heard, we are in the middle of a heat wave here in Texas. Longview has set a new record for number of days over 100 degrees. Whew! I'm sweating just thinking about it.

Caleb (my 16 year old son) has officially obtained his driver's license. Just in time, as he may have to drive one of our cars to our new residence.

I am behind on writing more on my book...Maybe I can squeeze out another chapter before we move. I just have other things (like moving) on my mind.

Fresh Memories and a Cold Breakfast (Tears of the Singer, Chapter 2, Part 2)

Enthusiastic laughing caused Josh to look away from his hot breakfast. Two young men, teenagers judging from the slightly bagging pants they wore. They were rapidly talking and laughing about the double dates they were going to have that evening. One of the young men caught Josh's attention. His messed brown hair reminded him of someone. He looked closer, trying not to stare. "Eric," he whispered to himself. His mind immediately drifted back in time.

Eric Chambers had been Josh's best friend since Kindergarten. He was impressed with Eric because he ate paper and could run really fast. They did almost everything together. They even took guitar lessons from Josh's grandfather together; at least until Eric learned percussion in the Jr. High band. It was with Eric that Josh first discovered his unique ability. His "gift" as his father called it. His "curse" according to Josh. One evening after watching Caddyshack, Josh and Eric came busting through the door of Eric's home, just like the two young men who just entered Lexi's Breakfast and Beds. They were still laughing about the Baby Ruth "doodie" in the pool, when they noticed Eric's mother standing in the entryway to the living room with tears in her eyes. Laughter turned to tears as Eric's mother struggled to tell Eric that his father had been killed in a car accident on his way home from work. Eric was devastated. Eric had been very close to his father, even closer than he was with Josh; now he was gone. Eric's relationship with his mother had been strained the past few years, as Eric had taken a lackadaisical view of God and religion. His mother was very big on Jesus and it hurt her to see Eric laboring with his own relationship with God. They had many arguments about it and they had grown distant.

Two days later, Josh and Eric were sitting on the edge a creek behind Josh's house. Josh had been trying to teach himself the latest hit song from the radio, when Eric arrived. "Have you talked to her yet?" Josh gently asked his closest friend, as Eric sat beside him.

"I don't know what to say to her," Eric said without emotion, "She doesn't understand me at all." "You need to say something to her," Josh pushed.

"Don't you think I know that!" Eric yelled.

Sensing his friend's anger, Josh backed off. He decided he would play a song that his grandfather had taught him. As Josh began to play he closed his eyes and prayed that God would heal his friend's heart. The soft tunes of the song filled the air. It sounded like a cross between a country-western song and a folk song from the sixties. His grandfather had taught him the song as soon as he mastered all the cords. The song had no words, but Josh had been experimenting with a few verses. After a few seconds, Josh began to sing softly; however, the words he had written were not the words that were coming from his mouth. He sang words he couldn't understand. To Josh it sounded like he was mumbling. He tried to stop, but he couldn't, the words kept coming and the guitar kept playing his grandfather's song. He suddenly felt the urge to cry, he tried to fight it; he had to stay strong for Eric. Despite clinching his eyes tighter, tears began to flow from his eyes. What would Eric think? Was he possessed?

Finally he stopped singing and the music stopped. He opened his eyes to see Eric staring at him with an astonished look on his face. "I'm sorry, Eric, I didn't mean...," Josh started to say.

"What is that?" Eric interrupted, pointing to the ground to Eric's left.

"What is what?" Eric asked, puzzled.

"That...that right there." Eric stammered and continued to point.

Josh looked down. Next to his left leg, was a small glowing object. He reached down and picked it up. It was pulsating blue and it was in the shape of a tear. "Where did this come from?" he asked. "You," Eric said.

"What do mean me?" Josh asked.

"You," Eric said again, "You started playing your guitar and then you started singing about my dad, my mom and me and then.."

"I did what?" Josh was confused, "I wasn't singing about that, I was singing...well, I was singing...well, I don't know what I was singing, but I wasn't singing about your family."

"Yes, you were," Eric said firmly, "and when you started singing about us, I looked over at you and you were crying. I mean you were really crying. Then suddenly that...that tear thing came out of your eyes and fell on the ground." Eric was speaking quickly.

"This came out of me? You've got to be kidding?" Josh couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I swear man, it came right out of your eyes." Eric was staring at the glowing tear. He couldn't take his eyes off it. "Can I see it?" Eric asked.

"I guess so," Josh answered and handed Eric the tear.

As soon as Eric touched the tear, Eric felt like he was full of static electricity. He felt like every hair on his body was standing on end and his arms and legs felt like that do when they go numb from lack of circulation. He started to see pictures in his head. He could see his mom at home. She was sitting on the couch looking at a picture of Eric and his dad. She was praying and crying. He could hear her plainly saying, "Oh, God please help me. I am scared. I don't know what to do. I love Eric, but he hates me, or at least I think he does."
"I don't hate you mom," Eric wanted to scream. "I can't replace his father, Lord, what do I do? What can I say to him? We need each other and we need you. Please Jesus, help us both."

At that moment, Eric could hear, see and feel his mother's grief and fear. He suddenly knew exactly what to say to her. He had to let her know that he loved her and that everything would be all right.

Eric's vision was interrupted by Josh shaking him. "ERIC...ERIC!" Josh was yelling. "Eric answer me!" Eric's numbness wore off.

"I'm fine." he mumbled. "Wow, what happened?"

"You went into shock or something," Josh was now speaking quickly himself, "You went all rigid and this funny grin came over your face. I thought you were having a seizure or something."

"It wasn't like that at all," Eric said, reassuring Josh. "Look, I hate to leave you right now, but I really need to go speak to my mom."

"Are you sure you are OK?" Josh asked concerned.

"I've never been better." Eric answered quickly, "I gotta go," and he got up quickly and left.

Josh was left sitting alone with his guitar and a lot of questions in his mind. What had just happened? Stunned, he slowly got up and walked back towards his house. He promised himself he wouldn't say a word to his parents until he figured out what was going on. He was a little afraid.

The next day Eric told Josh, how as soon as he got home, he hugged his mother and told her how sorry he was for arguing with her. He told her that he loved her and that they were going to be OK. He told Josh how he and his mother and talked all night long and how they had expressed to each other the fears they had and how they had prayed together. Eric said that tear had saved his family. Josh later learned that, even thought the tear had long lost its glow, Eric still kept it in a box under his bed.

"Honey, are you all right? You haven't touched your food." Jamie was standing over him with a look of concern, her smile was gone.

"I'm fine, Jamie, thanks!" Josh wondered how long he had been sitting there. "The waffles are fine." he said.

"Okey..dokey," Jamie said, "Just let me know if you need anything." her smile had returned.

Josh's stomach growled. He cut off a slice of waffle and put it in his mouth. Josh's mind was full of fresh memories, but his breakfast was cold.

Tears of the Singer is a book that I am writing. I am posting new segments from time to time and when I am finished I will publish it as a whole for the public to buy. For those who follow my blog...you can read it for free, or you can follow it on Goodreads, even if it is one little piece at a time.

Click here to read the Prologue.

Click here to read (Chapter One, Part 1)

Click here to read (Chapter One, Part 2)

Click here to read (Chapter Two, Part 1)

Morning at Lexi's (Tears of the Singer, Chapter 2, Part 1)

"So how do you do it?" Thomas inquired again.

"Could you drop me off at Lexi's?" Josh asked, ignoring the question for the second time, "I'm really tired."

Catching the hint, Thomas sighed, "Sure." They rode the rest of the way in silence. A few minutes later, Josh stepped out of Thomas's truck, took his guitar and backpack and mumbled a quick, "Thanks", to his early morning benefactor. "God Bless!", Thomas said loudly and then he drove away. His faded blue pickup made a left at the next blinking yellow light and was gone.

Lexi's was the name of a small hotel-diner in Hubbard. It's official name was Lexi's Breakfast and Beds. An unusual name for sure, but it's owner Lexi was an unusual person. Lexi, short for Alexis, was a woman about 4o years old. She had a tremendously bubbly personality, except in the mornings; at least until she had her coffee. She had reddish brown hair and wore colored scarfs or handkerchiefs in it to match her colorful choices of clothing. If her coffee didn't wake you up in the morning, her loud friendly voice and her bright clothing would. She refused to call her place a motel because it sounded trashy. She refused to call it a hotel because, in her opinion, it wasn't big enough. Bed and Breakfast sounded cliche, so Breakfast and Beds it was.

Josh opened the door to the "Beds" section of the building and trugged wearily up to the front desk. Tonight's clerk was named Ashley. As Josh opened his mouth to ask for room, Ashley spoke first, "You staying for just the rest of the night, or tomorrow night too?" She was gruff in her tone, but not rude. "If you wanting breakfast, the diner opens at 6:00 sharp." Josh, needing to catch up on some laundry, decided to pay for the night, plus one. "You look familiar, have you stayed here before?" Ashley asked, as she handed Josh the key to his room. "It's been a while back." Josh replied with a slight yawn. Josh took his key and headed upstairs to where the only 10 rooms in the place were located. He unlocked the door to room 4, stumbled inside, fell onto the bed and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Josh awoke to sunlight streaming through the window. He looked at the clock. It read 8:28. Reluctantly he slid out of bed and trudged over the bathroom. He took a long shower and saved. He put on his least wrinkled clothes and went downstairs for a late breakfast. Lexi's was busy as usual. A sign at the entrance read, "World famous waffles served here. Please wait to be seated." He laughed to himself at the sign and wondered, in which world.

The dining area had a full kitchen separated from the rest of the restaurant by a bar from which some customers sat on bar stools. There were several booths along the walls and near the windows, with seven to eight tables in the center. The wait staff was made up of young ladies all wearing aprons of various neon colors. It was a seat yourself style diner. Josh scanned the crowd. Lexi, was busy behind the counter serving coffee to the local postman. She was wearing a neon pink apron. In her hair a bright pink scarf. Their were three other waitresses on duty this morning, they all looked as if they were in their early twenties. The first was a thin brunette who wore neon green. Her name tag read Meg. She was busily scurrying back and forth between the bar and the tables and booths closest to the far wall. Meg seemed to enjoy her work and was constantly engaged in conversation with her customers. The second was a shorter girl, also brunette, who wore neon blue. Her name tag was smudged, but he heard one of the customers call her Elisha. She covered the center part of the diner. She too served her customers with a cheerful attitude. The third was a average sized young lady with blond hair. Her apron was neon purple. She served the booths along the windows and the area closest to the entrance. Josh chose a booth with a window seat.

Josh had barely sat down, when the purple clad waitress approached with a glass of water. Her name tag read, Jamie. She had blue eyes and a smile that was a bright as her apron. "Morning!" she chirped and handed him a menu, "Would you like to try our world famous waffles?" "Does it come with eggs?" Josh inquired. "It comes with whatever you want, sweetie," Jamie said with a smile. "We can do eggs, bacon, sausage, you name it, we can make it." "Then the waffles it is," decided Josh, "and I want my eggs scrambled please." "Bacon?" Jamie asked. "Sure," Josh replied, "and some coffee." "Sure thing, honey, I'll have it right out." Jamie took the menu and with a quick bounce she was off. All of the waitresses had huge smiles on their faces as if they didn't have any problems at all. Even the two cooks in the kitchen looked as if they were smiling as they worked over the hot stoves. There were not many places where the employees enjoyed their work so much. Lexi's was one of them.

Josh looked around the restaurant. In Meg's area sat three gentlemen who were probably farmers. Two of them wore overalls. All three of them wore caps, one of which had the typical John Deere logo and colors. From what Josh could hear, they were talking about the lack of rain and the concerns they had about selling their corn. At a table in Meg's area sat a man in a business suit. He was reading the business section of the Wall-Street Journal. Josh surmised he must be a local banker, because who else in the small town of Hubbard would even subscribe to such a paper. One of the table's in Elisha's area had a mother with a small child. The mother looked worn down from lack of sleep. Her infant slept peacefully in a portable car seat/carrier next to her. The baby would stir from time to time in response to a couple who was talking loudly at the table next to them. The mother would give irritated glances over at the couple when she thought they may wake her child. The couple looked to be in their early sixties and they were reading the local paper, The Hubbard Herald, or at least the woman was reading the paper. Her husband looked as if her were just listening to her read it to him. They were arguing about how one of the local elected officials was misusing funds to give Christmas bonuses to his attractive office assistants. Josh's observations were temporarily halted as Jamie suddenly appeared with a cup of hot coffee. "Here you go dear," she said, still smiling, "cream and sugar are on the table. Your waffles should be ready in a few." She was off as quickly as she appeared.

In one of the booths near him, sat a young couple who were engaged in a conversation about a recent trip to the nearby city. The young man was looking deeply into his partner's eyes as if every word she said was a much needed breath of fresh air. There were rings on their fingers. "Newlyweds," Josh thought. No other man would pay such attention to his wife's conversations that way. They were in love. Josh was jealous. He remembered times when he thought he was "in love;" but it was all a lie. No one really loved him. They just pretended. They lied to get close to him, not because they loved him; they lied to get one of his tears. How he hated his "gift." "Sometimes I wish I could go away!"

"Go where?" Josh was startled. Jamie had once again suddenly appeared next to him, this time carrying a plate of hot waffles and eggs. He realized he must have been thinking out loud. Jamie sat his breakfast down on the table. "Wishing, you were somewhere else?" Jamie asked. "Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are," she said, still smiling. "You need some more coffee, extra syrup?" "No!," Josh replied sharply, a little irritated at himself and Jamie, "thanks." Jamie never lost her smile, it was as if his rudeness didn't phase her at all. "You just hollar if you need something, ok?" and off she went to help a new customer. Josh picked up a fork and started to poke at his waffles.

Tears of the Singer is a book that I am writing. I am posting new segments from time to time and when I am finished I will publish it as a whole for the public to buy. For those who follow my blog...you can read it for free, or you can follow it on Goodreads, even if it is one little piece at a time.

Click here to read the Prologue.

Click here to read (Chapter One, Part 1)

Click here to read (Chapter One, Part 2)

A Reluctant Ride (Tears of the Singer, cont...Chapter 1, Part 2)

The Singer entered into Ramey-Jem's nearly empty parking lot and paused to shift his backpack over his shoulder. A few minutes after that evening's show, one of the wait staff, named Rosemary, had told him that C.J.'s son, Justin, may have cancer. C.J. was waiting to hear from Justin about the results of test that had been run earlier that day. He knew C.J. would never ask for one of his magical tears for himself; especially after he had already received a tear 2 years earlier, when they had first met. C.J.'s mother, Althea, was still heavily grieving the death of her daughter 39 years after Jem's death. Althea would go into periods of depression that would keep her locked in her room for months. It was a heavy burden on the family. When C.J.'s father died, he and his wife, took on the task alone. The stress of having a depressed mother living with the family became such burden that C.J.'s wife had left him and his only son. C.J. was on the verge of suicide when the Singer appeared at his club looking for a gig. That night C.J. received one of the Singer's miracle tears. C.J.'s life changed forever. This was the Singer's third visit to Ramey-Jems and it would be his last. He would miss C.J.

The Singer walked towards the unpaved road that led to the main road into the nearby town of Hubbard. The only vehicle left in the parking lot was an old faded blue pick-up truck with a rusty white top. The hood was up and the owner was tinkering with the engine. The Singer was glad he walked everywhere he went. He didn't have to worry about car trouble or the price of gasoline. Unless he was sick or injured in some way, he could always leave or stay where ever he wanted. He was in control of his own destiny, at least when it came to transportation.

The Singer had just gone far enough down the road, to escape the flickering fluorescent lights of the parking lot when he heard the truck's engine crank. The truck pulled out of the lot and started down the road towards him, the headlights cast his shadow in front of him. As the truck neared, the driver slowed down and moved along side him. The passenger side window rolled down, "Need a lift?" the driver asked. The driver was wearing a San Francisco Giants baseball cap over thick dark hair. The Singer tried to ignore the man and kept walking. "It's a good 5 miles into town you know," the driver persisted. The Singer knew how far it was into Hubbard, he had walked it before with no trouble at all. "It's not a problem you know," the driver insisted, "I'm heading through town anyway." The Singer stopped. Normally he would just keep walking. He enjoyed his time alone, but tonight...tonight he was just tired. The truck stopped beside him. "So, you gettin' in?" the driver asked.

The Singer opened the passenger door and slid inside the cab. He placed his backpack between him and the driver, creating a barrier between them, and positioned his guitar between his legs. "Thanks," he said softly.

"My name's Thomas by the way," the driver said with huge grin on his face, "Thomas Morrill." He then extended his hand out towards the Singer. When the Singer did not respond, the grin faded and the hand pulled back. Thomas put the truck into gear and started forward. "You do have a name don't you?" Thomas tried to make conversation. The Singer just sat silently and turned his head slightly to the right away from the driver. "That is mighty fine thing you do you know, with the tears and all that." The Singer shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "How do you do that?"

Not wanting to discuss his so called gift, The Singer replied, "Josh." It was almost a whisper.

"Pardon?" Thomas wasn't sure he had heard the Singer at all. "My name is Josh." the Singer said a little louder. "Nice to meet you Josh," Thomas smiled and extended his hand again. This time Josh, The Singer, shook it.

Tears of the Singer is a book that I am writing. I am posting new segments from time to time and when I am finished I will publish it as a whole for the public to buy. For those who follow my blog...you can read it for free, even if it is one little piece at a time. Click here to read the Prologue and here to read Chapter 1, Part 1.

It's 3:00 a.m. and All's Well! (Tears of the Singer cont...Chapter 1, Part 1)

"It's 3:00 a.m.! " shouted C.J. as he locked the doors of Ramey-Jem's. The four remaining employees responded with a tired, yet enthusiastic, "And all's well!" C.J. Allen has been the proud owner of Ramey-Jem's for over 35 years now and the customary yell and response has been repeated every night since he closed the doors for the first time. Even his managers continued the tradition when C.J. was on a rare trip out of town. The parking lot, which moments earlier was full of cars, mostly pickup trucks, was starting to empty. Hours earlier the cars occupants had filled the club to capacity. They arrived angry, hurt, anxious and troubled. All of them had left at peace, profoundly changed by the magical tears of the mysterious stranger and his "song." It had been a full house tonight; "the Singer" was in town.

C.J.'s light brown skin was finally starting to show the wrinkles of age. His hair finally showing a touch of gray. His father, Charles Sr., had owned the place for 20 years before passing away in his sleep. Charles Sr., had purchased the club at auction, when the previous owner went bankrupt. It was rare at the time that a black man could own a club in the South, but C.J.'s father added some improvements, changed the name to Ramey's and he had made it work and now C.J. proudly carried on the family business. He had inherited Ramey's from his father and had added Jem to the name in honor of his sister. Jem Allen passed away when the family home caught fire the day after Christmas, when C.J. was 15. Jem was only 12 years old. His family grieved for years. It was " the Singer" who had finally brought relief to C.J. and his mother. It was a miracle. Ramey, by the way, was the name of his father's pet cat.

As the remaining staff, continued their closing duties, C.J. looked over to the corner of the stage. The Singer was packing his guitar into his case. This was the third time the Singer had visited Ramey-Jem's. He always took cash as his payment, never a check. C.J. was not even sure what his real name was. He might have mentioned his name the first time they met, but that was a couple of years ago. He was a young man, but he rarely smiled. He had the look of someone who always had a lot on his mind. The Singer wore a worn down pair of boots, which looked like they used to be a nice pair of alligator skins, a pair of blue jeans, a wrinkled white shirt and a faded brown leather jacket. "Where you heading next?" C.J. called out to him. "Not sure," the Singer mumbled, as he snapped the case shut. The Singer had never been much for words.

Ramey-Jem had seen it's share of famous folks. Clint Black, Don Williams, Alan Jackson and even Merle Haggard had performed on the small stage. All of them bringing fans and followers with them; but none of them packed the house like the Singer did. After all, they didn't have what the Singer had to offer. While the others provided entertainment, the Singer provided more. He offered something special; hope. Hope in the form of something so small.

The Singer moved towards the main exit. C.J. unlocked the door for his guest. "You sure you don't want to stay the night at my place tonight? Ruth (C.J.'s wife) will fix you up a mighty fine breakfast." "Thanks," the Singer replied wearily, "I'd better get going!" The Singer started out the door and then stopped. He turned around and put out his hand. C.J. took the Singer's hand and shook it. As they shook, the Singer pass a small "gift" to his host. "Had a feeling you might need this tonight," the Singer said. C.J. looked down. In his hand was a small blue crystal in the shape of a tear, it was glowing faintly. "How did you know?" C.J. replied, as tears started to well in his eyes; but the Singer had already stepped out into the darkness.

Tears of the Singer is a book that I am writing. It has been a while since I have written. Thanks to the encouragement of a co-worker at Starbucks, I am restarting my project. I will post new segments from time to time and when I am finished I will publish it as a whole for the public to buy. For those who follow my blog...you can read it for free, even if it is one little piece at a time. To read the Prologue, click here.

Tears of the Singer (Prologue)

The following is the Prologue from a book I am writing called Tears of the Singer.
The book is based on a song by the same name that I wrote while in college. (This was one of my original first 5 posts. I am re-posting it now, just because!.)

Prologue

The air was thick from cigarette smoke drifting up from the area around the stage. The soft strains of music filled the backwoods bar. There was a larger than normal crowd this night. “The Singer” was in town. Other singers had visited before, some famous, some not, but no one drew an audience like “the Singer.”

People came from towns and farms miles away just to listen to the Singer. Not just ordinary people, but people with problems they just couldn’t seem to take anymore. People with worries and concerns that kept them awake at night. Worries about how to pay bills that pile higher every day. Worries about family members or life-long friends stricken with illnesses like cancer. People with questions that needed an answer. “Why can't my wife quit drinking so much?” “What does my husband see in his secretary that he doesn't see in me?” “Why can’t I keep a job?” There were people with fears of abandonment and death. People so overwhelmed with depression that it seemed to smother them. All of them were here tonight. All of them, looking for the miracle.

The crowd sat silent, mesmerized by the appearance of this singer. They wondered could he help them where it seemed God had failed them. They prayed the prayers of the desperate and asked the questions of the lost. “How can someone so young and disheveled help so many,” they would ask themselves. “Can he help me?” “When will he sing the song?”

Suddenly the sounds they were waiting for flowed from the stage. This was it. The Singer was singing the song. There was nothing outwardly special about the song. It was just a simple melody, sung from the heart. But it beckoned them forward. At first there was a little pushing and shoving, but it calmed down quickly for they knew the Singer had enough for everyone. They stood there speechless. Some cried gently as it came their turn to receive the gift. The gift that would make all their worries, fears and sadness fade away like the mist rising from a lake.

They were waiting for the Tears of the Singer.

Teaching Math

25 + years ago; I was staying up late most school nights crying, because I couldn't understand the Algebra homework I had assigned to me. I would go in during tutorials and beg for help, but I could not "get it." My Algebra I & II teacher, Mrs. Stewart would get so frustrated with me because I couldn't "get it." I was so worried I would fail for the year; after all I had already failed at least 2 Six Weeks. Somehow I made it through High School Algebra and even squeaked through a year of College Algebra. I graduated High School and a College Degree. I even became a teacher; just not a Math teacher.

About 2 years ago I was hired to teach GED Math at Kilgore College to students who were trying to obtain a GED Certificate. One of the subjects I had to teach was Math (Pre-Algebra-basic Trigonometry). I informed my new employer that Math was not my best subject. I was told, "You will learn it and you will be good a teaching it within 3 weeks." Skeptical, I embarked on trying to teach Math. Much to may amazement, about 3 weeks later, something clicked in my head. Suddenly, all of this math that had been driving me to tears for years started to make sense. It was literally like a light bulb went off in my head and it all made sense. My students told me that I was one of the best Math teachers they had ever had; that I was helping them understand math for the first time. I became so confident in teaching Math that I took the teacher certification test to teach it. I passed!

Today, I start a six week teaching assignment, teaching 8th Grade Pre-Algebra. So far I am loving it.

I wonder if Mrs. Stewart (my HS Algebra teacher) is proud of me, or rolling over in her grave in amazement?

The Love Dare

In an effort to reconnect with my bride, Jamie, I have started The Love Dare. I am praying that it changes our relationship for the better. With God's Help I know it will.

On a totally different note; Pitchers and Catchers reported to their Spring Training Camps today. Baseball is back!

Fully Qualified and Incompetent

When I was an officer in the Army, I could give orders and make decisions that effected the lives of others. I could look at a problem and make a decision in a matter of moments. Granted I was blessed to never have the opportunity to do this in the middle of combat; however, my decisions had lasting impacts non the less.

When I was in the classroom as a teacher, I could create lesson plans for over 100 students a year. Plans that challenged my students and still adapted to state mandated modifications for the few that needed them. Plans that helped shape the academic future of 11 years worth of our future generations.

Yet, as a husband I feel incompetent as I would be if I were in charge of building a skyscraper. I have taken classes on communication, problem solving, budgeting, building healthy spiritual and prayer lives, and even read up on some sexual topics. I even taught classes on how to strengthen marriages, yet, I feel I am failing as a husband.

Some of you know that I am currently semi-unemployed. I am a substitute teacher needing a full-time teaching job. I am very hopeful that I will be under contract with a school district shortly after the end of this school year. In the meantime my lack of income is forcing my dear bride to work a full-time job and a couple of other "part-time" jobs to barely make ends meet for us financially. The stress, lack of time for family and for herself is taking a heavy toll on her. I mentioned in my previous blog, that this is also taking a toll on me as well. I feel very much like I am not being the man I need to be. It should be me working more and supporting my family. We have a budget, but due to our recent financial woes it has been modified to what we call, "the crappy budget." Even so we are having trouble making ends meet. I know it will change, but knowing it will change and waiting on it, are two different things. She tells me all the time how she feels like we are not connected like we should be. She feels distant and alone.

My wife and I have a prayer corner in our room. It has two folding chairs sitting on a rug. We have a lamp to give us some light. The chairs are facing each other so we can sit close, hold hands and lean on each other if we need to. Currently these chairs are filled with clothes that need to be put away or some old blankets. Papers, shoes and other items clutter the space on the rug. We haven't prayed together in some time. By the time she gets in from her jobs in the evening, she is so exhausted that she doesn't feel like praying. I haven't even been responsible enough to try and keep the corner clean and ready just in case we get a spare moment to pray. The lack of spiritual discipline at home has caused her to feel distant from God as well.

You would think a professional teacher, marriage educator and former Army officer would have some sort of a plan to address these problems. You would think I would be totally aware of what to do to rescue a struggling marriage; but, here I sit praying to God to give me wisdom to do what I need to do to be a man worthy of my wife's respect and for his guidance to do what I can to ensure that I am truly doing what I can to help support my family.

How is it that I am so blind to the attacks of the enemy (Satan)? Why can't I see what God is doing for us? Am I doing something wrong that God needs to "break me" into fully relying on Him? I try not to be selfish, I truly want to do HIS will not mine. Is there something I still need to learn about myself and my relationship with God before things will get better?

Despite all my qualifications it seems that I am failing as a husband. My wife deserves better.

Heavenly Father, Creator of all things, Lord God Almighty;
Please open my eyes so that I can see myself. Help me to pour out my soul and my will before your throne. Give me the wisdom, the strength and the courage to be a man of God to my wife, my children, my church family and to my employers. Take away my fears and my insecurities. Open my heart and my eyes to the needs of my wife. I do not want to disappoint her. I do not want to be any part of causing her to doubt You and Your love. I want to be a man worthy of her respect. I want to work full-time, O Lord. I am tired of struggling financially. I am tired of seeing my wife work herself "crazy" trying to make up for my failures (even if some of those were out of my control). I am not asking for wealth, I just want a job that helps us get out of debt and to have enough money to save for emergencies and retirement. I am tired not feeling connected with my wife. Please show me LORD what I need to do! I cast myself before your mercy and grace, because it is only through you we are surviving at all. I do not want my marriage to crumble because of this. Tell me what to do! Restore us.
Your Son, Mark

I Am Now Currently Unemployed.

I went to work this morning expecting to do what I always do, make as many contacts as possible to try and fill marriage education classes with couples waiting to get married or couples who seek to improve their marriages. I came to work despite the fact that on Monday I found out that I would no longer be a full-time employee for Twogether in Texas, or the Longview Wellness Center (soon to be called Wellness Pointe), at the end of the month. 

At 8:50 a.m. I was called into my Program Director's office and told that I am being let go NOW. Why? The reason I got was that I had just shown signs of "losing heart and the desire to finish out my job in a proper fashion." What the .....? What do you mean I have lost heart. I just added three more couples to a class yesterday. I even spoke to another potential provider. 

They said because I had started organizing my files and e-mailing them to my Project Director, with more than a week left before I was supposed to be let go, it showed that I was already showing signs of trying to let other people do my job for me. I thought I was just being courteous and trying to give people a "heads up" to things they may want to be aware of after I left. I was still keeping those files updated and correct and I would have until the last day I was working there. Apparently that day was today. 

They were also upset that I had already taken some steps to start trying to help myself find another job. They found out that I had signed up to take a test to try and get certified to teach Math and that it played a part in me not accepting a part-time paid consultant job they offered me in lieu of not being able to keep me full-time. You were letting me go right? I do have the right to try and make myself as marketable as possible to help me find another job, right?

So, I turned in my computer, cell-phone, and my last pay-check will be mailed to me next week. They at least told me they would not contest me filing for unemployment and they would write letters of recommendation for me. I am waiting to fill out the exit-interview form before I write something very ugly on it. 

I still think very highly of marriage education and what the mission statement is for Twogether in Texas. I, at least at the moment, do not think very highly of how the past few days have transpired. I never lost my desire to do my job to the fullest, I think they just couldn't stand to see me there taking any more money than I had to when they could use it somewhere else.

Now I am sitting at home, looking over job openings in the Longview area and beyond. I plan to make job hunting my new career after I return from the Easter weekend visit to my in-laws and LTC in Dallas. Wish me luck! 

Wondering What God has in Store for Me!

Yesterday, I found out that I will be looking for a new job at the end of this month. It appears the budget cuts for Twogether in Texas, by the State Legislature, has affected my job faster that we planned. 

I can still work part-time, teaching marriage classes until August (if I wish), at a rate of $100.00 per couple; however, they want to me to work in counties that require much travel time, which I will now no longer be reimbursed for. I am giving myself until Thursday to decide if I will accept that offer or not. 

So now I go back to the beginning. When I started this blog, I was starting the process of looking for a new job, after leaving teaching in the public schools for eleven years. Who knows maybe God wanted me to learn a few things from my last two jobs and get back into the public schools where I belong. 

I refuse to be sad, because I know my God is bigger than anything the world may throw at me. I will do my part to apply for new jobs and be open to any changes; I just can't wait to see what God has planned for me next. 

Kings and Chronicles & Newsboys

In my daily Bible reading I am plodding along through Kings and Chronicles. I just finished 2nd Kings and I am about to start 1st Chronicles, which is basically a recap of Kings.

I really shouldn't say plodding, it makes it sound like these books are boring. They are not boring at all. In fact several of my favorite Bible stories come from these books.

The story of Naaman the leaper general of Syria.; the chariots of fire taking Elisha to Heaven; the 2 bears killing the 42 kids because they called the Prophet of God a "bald head"; The Angel of Lord killing thousands of Sennacharib's soldiers during the night; Josiah finding the Word of the Lord while restoring the temple and rededicating his life to the God of Israel.

All these stories are great stories; however, I get very sad when I read about the kings of Israel and Judah turn, time and again, away from the Lord their God.

It is much like going to "church" every Sunday. We celebrate the victories God works in people's lives and we mourn or get angry when we hear of those who have turned away from our Lord, Jesus. Imagine that!





Tonight, my family and I are going to watch The Newsboys in concert! I can't wait!

I'm Singing, I'm in an Outback and I'm Singing!

The Longview Wellness Center, my place of employment, is having their annual Christmas party tomorrow. They are providing a nice spread at Outback Steakhouse! I chose the ribs!

We are also doing a gift exchange. With about 80+ people, this should be fun.

They are also doing a Longview Wellness Center Idol Contest. At first I thought, there is no way they can make me sing, but then I found out there is a $100.00 cash prize and there were only 3 other people signed up. So I became the fourth Idol contestant. Hey, I think embarrassing myself is worth it for a 1 in 4 chance to win some cash. I am singing a song that I wrote, a cappella style. Maybe I will get points for bravery, by singing without the music?

I will let you know how I fared just as soon as I can. I know you can't wait to see if I become a star or not! (NOT!)

Update: Dec. 12, 2008 -- I finished 3rd out of 6 contestants! No prize for 3rd Place though. : (

Playing Racquetball With God!

This afternoon, after work, I decided to go get a work out at my local gym; after all I am paying for a membership. Despite being the middle of the day, the treadmills and bicycle machines were full. Being prepared, I had my racquetball equipment with me. I found an empty court to play in and decided to just to hit the ball around some. Alas, it is not much fun playing by yourself! So, I challenged God to play with me.

We would play like a normal game, except you could choose to take a 2nd bounce on the initial serve. God agreed. I served first and the game was on. I served, then God returned, and then I hit and so on. It did make my boring practice a lot more fun. In the end HE beat me 21-14! At least I scored. God could have cheated and used His powers to crush me, but I guess He wanted to make it fair. It wasn't like wrestling with Jacob though. At least Jacob wrestled God to a draw (sort of!), and got a name change. I still have my name and God still reigns supreme.

At least no one could hear me talking to myself, "17 serving 15, God's Serve!" I may just have to invite God to do more activities with me. I think He would like that!

I Need a Moment!

There are a few people I know who have had one or two "defining" moments in their life. A moment that profoundly changed the way they think or act. After looking long and hard into my past I am not sure I have had one of those moments.

Maybe I had one when I chose to be baptized into Christ; however, I was raised a Christian and the decision to follow Jesus came naturally. I have grown in my personal faith over the years, but sadly I don't think I have had the experience of "discovering Jesus" like those who found their personal faith in later years.

Maybe I had one when I got married. I had to learn to live with another person and learn to love Jamie as I loved myself; however, I don't think it radically changed my personal behavior until much later into the marriage. I was still selfish with what I desired and still tended lie about things more than I should.

Maybe I had one when my kids were born. Bringing new life into the world is a miracle, but I don't think it radically changed my behavior.

Maybe it was when my wife and I separated for a while in our 13th year of marriage. It was a major crisis of course. We had to work very hard to change both our behaviors. I did finally learn to love Jamie "unconditionally" and the experience did help me to stop judging others for their behaviors. It brought me to my knees in prayer and devotion, but this re-dedication to being in God's word and in prayer only lasted about a year. This maybe the closest I cam to a radical change of behavior or thinking.

You would think how I found out I had high blood pressure would have changed my behavior. After all the doctors thought I was having a stroke; however, I still do not eat as healthy as I should and I don't exercise like I should.

You would think joining the Army would have changed me, but alas all it did was get me in shape and give me some leadership skills.

I want a moment! I want a moment that will change my life. I know I need to be careful what I ask for! I really don't want that moment to be the death of a child, the end of my marriage or a crippling injury to myself or a loved one. I still want a moment. A moment I can look back on and say, "This moment changed my way of life forever!" Maybe I have already had those moments, and I am just unappreciative of them; after all the Israelites of the Bible had many "Big Moments" (the plagues on Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea, the giving of the Laws from the mountain, and many others) but they still fell away from God from time to time.

Maybe I'm not meant for big changes all at once. My OCD would not like that at all, but maybe that's what I want. I want to scare my OCD right out of me. Until then, I will learn to look back on and love the smaller moments that created small changes that have improved me little by little.

WE ARE SPARTA!

Well, we aren't really Sparta, but it is my 300th Blog! My, my, how time flies when you are having fun.

Since I have started blogging, I have had 3 jobs, got a cat, and got a new, English Standard Version Study Bible. I have at least 4, maybe 5, loyal readers and at least 6 sometimes readers who will comment from time to time.

I have also discovered, Facebook! Thanks to Facebook, I have connected with some lost friends and have become addicted to a game called Mouse Hunt!

I have become a loyal subscriber to the Grocery Game, where the strategic use of coupons saves you lots of $ money $.

I have gained about 15 pounds, which I am now working to loose, and I have discovered I have High Blood Pressure! To try to improve my overall health, I did join a local gym.

My family and I have committed to using the principles of Financial Peace University; something I wish the U.S. Government would do!

I have seen the United States elect their first African-American President and watched as the U.S. Congress used our tax money to rescue the rich from becoming like the rest of us middle class Americans.

I have become big fans of the television shows, Ghost Hunters, Meerkat Manor, The Office, and Battlestar Galactica (2003 version).

My son, Caleb, also turned 13! I still think, I'm not old enough to have a teenage son.

So in honor of my 300th blog, I think I will take a week off from blogging and see you guys again next Sunday! As my old pal Tigger often says, "TTFN!"