Abbott & Costello Meet Technology

This parody of Abbott & Costello's "Who's On First?" routine was e-mailed to me today...
I thought it was worth passing on.

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old toREALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............

Da guyz dat publish dem noosepapers is plnty smrt.

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2007: NOT!!!

I received an email containing this list of THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2007!, from my best friend. Upon researching where the headlines came from (to give proper credit) I found out these aren't really headlines from 2007. This list has been going around for at least seven years. Check out this competition from 2000 in which people created images to match some of these headlines. Plus, I doubt if any of these were ever actual headlines either. For more information go to the Museum of Hoaxes. The headlines, real or not, are still funny anyway! I guess I need to break the news to my friend. Sorry Brent.

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Iraqui Heads Seeking Arms [Are the terrorist recruiting zombies now?]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendants [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Do they taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead! [No comment necessary]